Arkansas Day 1

From Here to There

Our trip began on Sunday afternoon. Chris couldn’t get out of teaching class so the rest of us decided to attend early worship and class at Granbury CofC and then we could pretty much leave from there.

So...this was my first Sunday in a “real” church building in 6 months. I guess I’ve already forgotten just how different our church life is these days -  just walking in the building was a strange and surreal experience. 

When Christ Journey recently made the move in our Sunday worship gathering from the coffee shop to the slightly larger room at the Nashville, Texas Antique Shop, it felt like we were inhabiting an empty castle...

I grew up in traditional churches, some pretty large, some not much larger than one of Christ Journey’s gatherings. And yet 6 short months have been enough to make me feel a little out of place in a more “settled” church. (And for those that are wondering, the difference in “worship styles” wasn’t really what made it so strange...though it certainly added to it!)

After worship and class we gathered in the parking lot, began consolidating gear and then headed to the Robey’s to get the other kayaks.

There isn’t a whole lot to say about the trip to Arkansas. We drove...there were roads...

However, I would like to point out that this twitter update from 8pm Sunday night said a lot: “So, we're in Pickle Gap, AR...which is fairly close to Toad Suck Park...”

We got to the campground pretty late and saw signs of the already infamous “Ice Storm of 09”. Driving into the park there were lots of limbs and even trees scattered around. Even in the middle of the night we could tell that this must have been an unbelievable storm - apparently the ice was so thick and heavy that trees were practically exploding under the weight. We didn’t realize it, but this storm was going to play a pretty big role in our decision to head home Friday morning...

We made camp there at the park. It was a nice facility but the water looked like milk and tasted like...not milk. We boiled some for breakfast and some tea and went to bed. The skies were clear and there was no call for rain so Robert, Ira and I took advantage of being able to know the weather report and left the rain flies off of our tents. A pleasant evening under the stars...

Ahhh...good night Arkansas, see you in the morning.

...”What was that???”

About an hour after I went to sleep - somewhere around 1:30 am - I woke up to the sound of Satan locked in eternal battle with...another Satan. We had already made too many jokes about Deliverance and what strange threats would emerge from the Arkansas wilderness and here it was actually happening. I couldn’t hear anybody so whatever the beast was, it must have already eaten Ira, Robert and Chris...that was the only possible reason that they wouldn’t be making any noise because surely this thing was loud enough to wake them up.

Well, apparently the bag of food didn’t get put in the truck or hung from a tree and the raccoons were killing each other to get into it. I chased them off with my machete (yes, it was in the tent with me...I was going to be prepared if I heard banjo music...). 

The raccoons had eaten some hot chocolate mix and a package of pita bread...not a huge loss considering what they could’ve gotten. Luckily we were all so vigilant and quickly arose from our slumber...

And by “we” I mean me and that stupid machete. My precious brothers-in-law were peacefully getting their beauty sleep and none of them woke up even once!!!

I put the food in the truck and went back to bed...and then woke up about 45 minutes later when they were back trying to get into our backpacks...

I guess some of the guys had some food in their packs (mine was in my kayak). 

I chased the coons off again...and again 30 minutes later - Still not a one of those guys heard the commotion!!! At this point I knew that surviving a hillbilly attack once we got in the wilderness was not going to be much of a team effort. Yeah, Ira, Robert and Chris, I’m calling you out!

I eventually discovered that I could put a pile of rocks in my tent and just throw one towards the table whenever I heard the raccoons. I got a lot of sleep that night. 

But everything looks better in the light of day, right? 

I think that light of day pretty much got to us before the rain started...apparently weather reports in Arkansas aren’t any more dependable than they are in Texas...

Yeah, we put the rain flies on pretty quickly. 

Awesome. Good morning Arkansas...

Living with The Tension

I'm working on a few posts right now. At Rachel's encouragement I'm going to put up a series of posts on our Arkansas trip - basically one for each day. She thinks that will help keep them from being too long...

But I'm also writing another post, a nerd post. These days most of the people who read this blog are Christ Journey folks who don't necessarily understand or care about a lot of the nerdy stuff I wrestle with. So...if that's you, feel free to simply reread the Arkansas stuff!

When I wrote recently on the "Wrath of God" issue, some were concerned that I was getting worked up about stuff that didn't really matter. 

There are a couple important notes to make here. First of all, I'm a bit of a freak. (Surprise!) I don't fit neatly in many categories. For instance, I grew up on a ranch but I absolutely love the DFW metroplex. To be more precise, while I'm learning to love the Fort Worth side (and Burleson in particular); though this is where I was born and spent my first decade (Benbrook) and where I have several family members (grandparents and uncle in Benbrook, other relatives in Aledo, uncle in Burleson...), I still miss Dallas. 

But I'm not supposed to. 

Country boys aren't supposed to like the big city, but I love it. I love all the little coffee shops and bookstores, the libraries, the postmodern young adult crowd in the Village, Deep Ellum and lower Greenville area...even the "uppity rich folks" in Highland Park...well, some of them. 

And yet, I still love cattle, hunting, fishing, camping, kayaking and generally being out in the woods. I wear camo, under armour, express jeans and polos from Banana Republic - often at the same time.

I love playing sports and going to sporting events, but I only watch ESPN occasionally to get updates...trying to follow stats, trades and the drama is tiresome. And I just can't get into Nascar at all. Sorry.

On the overtly spiritual side, I really like sitting in someone's living room and talking about the ways that God is moving in our lives, hanging out around the barbecue pit being neighbors, telling the big picture Story of God to someone who has never heard it before, spending 24 hours in the Chick-Fil-A parking lot so that we can donate a bunch of meals to Harvest House, finding ways to help a struggling young single mom climb out of the clutches of poverty. 

But I also like to read books written by the Fathers and Mothers of the early church - like Maximus the Confessor and the Cappadocians - and discuss the significance of concepts like theosis, the limits of certain atonement theories and the tension between a bounded-set or open-system approach to ecclesiology. 

So my country friends and family think I'm too city, my city friends think I'm too country. My ESPN watching friends find my level of commitment suspect and my book loving friends find my desire to get out and do something physical are equally suspicious. Some people assume that because I'm a nerd, I must need to focus on people more. Others think that because I'm missional/postmodern/post-denominational I probably don't have a well-developed, thought out or robust theology of anything. 

I've had people complain because my preaching is too narrative - they want more exposition of the text. Others have expressed hope that I'll stop worrying about background, history and exegesis and focus on telling stories... alluding to a passage or retelling it in contemporary terms is sufficient. 

Sorry, I like both and see the value of both. I may not be great at either...but not many are. I'm trying.

That brings me to the other issue: while I'm trying to make my blog more personal these days, that has never been my first compulsion for writing. Blogging has always been my setting for working through theological and pastoral stuff in writing. In the past it served as a forum for other students and ministers to struggle in community.

Actually, the theological conundrums I work through are pretty personal - it just happens that personal for me is often found in the struggle to develop more sustainable and consistent theologies - just ask Rachel. 

If you want personal then you're going to get a good dose of this stuff because this is me. 

You are welcome to do the same thing that Rachel does: just smile and nod, then go back to what you were doing before I started babbling. :)

I've written enough of these posts to know that folks often misread my tone - one of the drawbacks of having a dry and sarcastic sense of humor is that sometimes it gets lost in translation. So, let me say explicitly that this isn't an angry or accusatory post at all. More than anything else I'm just revealing the internal struggle I have with not really fitting in anywhere. I'm okay with all that about myself, I'm just trying to help clear up any confusion. 

...and its a heads-up on some nerdy stuff coming down the pipe! 

Arkansas

The Modern Traveler has been preparing for a certain journey for quite some time now. My brothers-in-law (Chris, Robert and Ira) and I are leaving tomorrow for a week-long kayaking/backpacking trip in Arkansas. We'll be doing around 30 miles of the Lower Buffalo River through the Buffalo and Leatherwood wildernesses.

I think that all of us have been packed since Monday!

So, if you get a chance over the next few days please say a prayer for the safety of our trip...and the sanity of my super-trooper wife.

...jealous?

Brief Foundations Update...no seriously it'll be short

We began our Foundations retreat last night. As I've been talking to people leading up to the retreat, especially people who grew up going to youth retreats, I've had to say, "Its not really that kind of retreat"

There are no blind-fold walks or trust falls. 

However, last night was pretty hilarious. There were several moments when I experienced flash backs to my years as a youth minister (in a good way!)

Several of these folks were friends in high school and so there were stories of doing group projects together in 7th grade and the crazy teachers they survived. We even had a couple teenagers present who were cracking up because they have those same teachers and have the same experiences with them!

What was great was that the laughing and goofing around our tables was not the kind that happens when a bunch of adults are trying to protect their carefully crafted facades; very little evidence of posturing - just good friends and family, letting down their guards and experiencing life together. 

That's an important part of this Story, isn't it?

Crisis

In the beginning things were different. God, the One Who Is, The Eternal Relationship of Love decided to create something good and true and beautiful - because that’s what happens when love is experienced in community, good and beautiful things are created.

And so this God brushed away the darkness, stepped into the midst of chaos and brought forth solid foundations. God molded and formed an unbelievably expansive and expanding universe and in the midst of that, in an inconspicuous section of all that he began to paint with beautiful strokes a landscape that was begging to be enjoyed. This God showed an incredible ability to combine indescribable power with gentle beauty - from the crashing of tectonic plates, the trickle of a mountain stream became possible; a giant ball of super-heated gas, capable of destroying life lends its power to paint the sky at sunrise; immense trees, enormous grasslands, bluebonnets mixed with indian paintbrushes and buttercups; the sound of waves crashing against the rocks that you not only hear, but feel...God could not stand the thought of all this beauty going unnoticed and unexperienced. 

And so the God Who Is walked in the garden he had created. He knelt down and from the same material that formed mountains, deserts and jungles; the same material that made up the fish and birds and lions and bugs he began to mold something new; something that would see and know and laugh and love. He began to form something that would walk with him, that he could teach and love. He formed out of himself - using his own image as a mold and model. This new thing he was making would be the pinnacle of everything he’d created. He would be able to point out the sunrise and this new thing's breath would catch; when a thunderstorm would pass through this new thing would come running to God for protection and God would hold this small creature and explain that everything would be okay.

And so he formed this living being. He breathed his own life into this thing. And the community of Father, Son and Holy Spirit - the relationship that was full, complete and needed nothing - invited these new small frail children to share this powerful community. And it was so very good.

I wonder if it was cloudy when it happened? I wonder if the sun refused to shine and birds found themselves unable to sing as they waited for the children's decision. 

You see, doubt was introduced. The little children were told that God was holding out on them. There was something more they could attain if they would just apply themselves. The children were told that God was trying to keep them from becoming what they had a right to be - what they deserved! You have to look out for number 1, you have to do what it takes to get ahead. It isn’t personal its just business, its the way the world works baby.

But it wasn’t just business, it was much more than that. It was personal. It was communal. It was foundational. 

All creation holds its breath as the children are faced with the choice - will they walk away from the warmth of the fire into the cold and crushing darkness in search of a better fire? Would they leave the security and peace and order and jump into the chaos? There was so much more at stake here than merely a righteous God requiring complete obedience. This was the moment of choice.

True, God could have formed these creatures without the ability to choose their course. That was a decision that God had to make with the stars and planets and mountains and streams. None of these had been given the freedom to choose - planets and moons were in their orbit and they had no ability to choose to do otherwise. Mountains are tall and strong and they will never think, "I want to be a valley now." Gravity does not choose whether it will influence objects or not.

This decision allowed the universe to be orderly. But it also ensured that no planet would ever decide to write a song about this God. Sure God created great beauty in the planet; a beauty which is itself a kind of song, but it isn’t a song that the planet created. God wanted something that could create as he creates - not on the same level, but something that understood, as he does, that when love is present beautiful things result.

So the children could not be like the stars or the trees.

The children had to be able to choose. And now it was time for them to begin making their choices...

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

 

Was the cry that spread across the universe something that could be heard by the ears or was it simply felt in the deepest part of the heart? What happened in that moment of choice? Some say that God was disobeyed and so his wrath was stirred. I think its much more sad and tragic than that. God had created these children to live in the trusting, loving relationship that he enjoyed as himself. They would walk together and he would teach them all about the world he’d created. But now...

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"

He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."

 

How deeply did God feel those words? These children were not created to be afraid of the Father, they were created to run to God when something else caused them to fear. And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"

Perhaps many people read those questions as an accusation. Maybe it would be more accurate to read them as a lament. It’s as if God is saying, with tears in his eyes, “you have no idea what you’ve just done.” 

You see their choice to doubt and distrust meant that life together in the garden would no longer be possible. They had chosen chaos and the order and peace of the presence of God would seem like constant torture. They would constantly life in fear of the presence of God and so they would have to leave the garden...

But God would not send them out alone. He clothed them, he told them would life would be like outside the garden. He warned them of the hardships that would come and he taught them how to survive. More than that he let them know that he had already prepared a plan to recreate and restore them. This crisis was terrible and tragic, but it would not have the last word. It WILL not have the last word.

Today we continue to experience this tragedy. We live in a world that is groaning and longing to be restored and reconciled by God. In this world tears are commonplace. We experience hurt, betrayal, sickness, loss, confusion and doubt. The darkness holds unknown monsters and we are afraid.

The children still have the image of God glowing within them and sometimes it even shines. But the lack of trust is like a thick layer of grime over the lens of the lamp...the light is muted and sometimes appears just plain dark. 

We still write songs about God, we still crave beauty, but our eyes don’t see as well as they used to and our ears often strain to hear the melody. It seems that most of the time we’re groping around in the dark unable to find the window shade that we know is blocking the light that still shines, unable to open that heavy thick door which mutes the sounds and songs that stir our soul.

But nothing can completely keep the light out; nothing can silence the song of creation. The door may be able to keep our ears from hearing the words of the song, but we can feel the deep thump of the bass. We feel the song more than hear it...and it still calls to us.

The crisis continues but there is hope. This tragedy didn’t destroy life or light or hope - they are all pressing against the gates of this hell. God's eternal community of love is breaking in even as we speak.

Children I have a message from God - these gates will not hold him back. He’s coming for you. Hold on, your rescue is close. 

What Does it Look Like?

A commonly recurring conversation these days centers on the question, "What does it look like to really actually live and be church this way?" If you aren't sure about the setting of this conversation check out my recent post on Questions.

So, in my last post I referred to David Fitch who currently serves as one of the pastors at Life on the Vine Christian Community - a church he helped plant in the northwest suburbs of Chicago. He is also a professor at Northwest Seminary where he heads up the M.A. in Missional Church Ministry...I kinda wish I knew about that program 8 years ago when I started grad school...

Well, it seems that Chris and I are going to have to take measures against David Fitch because he has apparently been eavesdropping on our conversations about being church in our community. 

Disclaimer: tongue planted firmly in cheek - in reality, we would be skipping gleefully if someone (anyone) thought our conversations were worth eavesdropping!

Any-who, David’s most recent post on Instilling Missional Habits in a Congregation is worth reading. It is short and it is pretty much verbatim how we’re encouraging participants in the Christ Journey to see and function in this community. So, if you want to hear someone smarter than us speak with brevity on the issue check it out.

This way of living is so very difficult here in the Bible Belt because many people (even those with no church background to speak of) have firmly established concepts of church as place and church as a worship service. Transitioning to life shared in way of Jesus is counter-cultural - for both the “secular” and the “religious” cultures of our area.

Sin Management is Too Small to be Gospel

(this pic came up in my google image search for "sin management"...funny)

Have you ever heard the phrase “gospel of sin management”? I don’t remember where I heard it first or to whom to credit this pithy little title. I do remember Dallas Willard deconstructing this view of gospel in his book The Divine Conspiracy (which I don’t have handy to reference right now). Basically this “gospel” arises in the context where we (rightly) take the sin and brokenness in ourselves and the world seriously. However we then (erroneously - in my opinion) dive into a faith life dedicated to eradicating sin, living pure, etc.

Erroneous? How can you say that Bret??? Shall we go on sinning that grace may abound?

I’ll agree with Paul’s response to those questions - By no means! (read Romans 6 if you aren’t familiar with that reference)

The problem isn’t that we take sin seriously and want to see it eradicated from our lives. The problem is that we begin to believe that if we just take God’s commands seriously enough we will flee from temptation and live holy and pure lives. “Our only hope is obedience,” one author says. 

Well, sorta. I agree that we should very carefully seek to put into practice what we have seen and heard from God, the Scriptures and from the community of believers who all call us (as Paul did in Ephesians 4) to live lives worthy of the calling we have received.

But will all of this really be accomplished by our obedience? What a human centered way of looking at life! Even the statement that God’s grace makes room for our obedience to take hold still assumes that God is passive - he removes the barriers so that we will come to him through our faithful obedience.

What if, instead, we understood God to be putting the pieces back together ACTIVELY? What if God himself were transforming us from within, writing his covenant on our hearts, as it were? (That’s a reference to Jeremiah...check out chapter 31.) What if God called us and sent us not just so that other people would receive salvation from sin and death but so that our own salvation would truly take root? What if the salvation we’re speaking of here refers to so much more than just heaven after we die? What if God were at work, right now today, putting creation back together? 

And what if sin isn’t the point at all? What if sin were merely a reflection of what happens in a person, group of people or a culture that has lost community with God? (Perceptive people will note a bit of a chicken-or-the-egg problem there...we can discuss that later if you want.)

What if we understood sin as the result of not trusting that God really has our best interest at heart? If we saw sin as the result of us moving away from God, then would treating the specific effects of sin (addictions, anger, greed, lust or whatever) be effective at treating the cause?

What if obedience was not what led us to transformation and relationship with God, but the other way around? What if falling into the arms of the Father who has run down the road to greet us actually leads to the transformation that naturally results in living out of our new self? What if we understood obedience as the natural response to a life in community with God, just as sin is the natural result of a life out of community with God?

David Fitch is rapidly moving up the list of my favorite writers/thinkers/practitioners. I was jumping up and down in the bagel shop this morning as I read this particular quote from his blog www.reclaimingthemission.com. 

This to me is the problem of inviting an alcoholic into an alcoholics anonymous meeting. The goal becomes overcoming alcoholism. And the alcoholics together largely stay within the frame of other alcoholics calling on Jesus (or another higher power) to achieve a personal goal. Instead all we sin-aholics of all kinds must be invited into a community of God’s all-encompassing Mission, His Story of reconciling the whole world into Himself thereby redeeming all of creation. In the process, every part of our lives (including our addictions) are re-oriented into a way of life born out of the salvation in Christ.

So let me end by saying this (because I have several people in mind who are probably throwing things at the wall right now!): I do not take obedience to the teachings of Jesus lightly nor do I think they are somehow peripheral issues. I would say that it is one of  my foundational beliefs that our contact and interaction with the Good News leads to a life lived in response. 

I do however disagree with the statement, “Our only hope is obedience.” 

I think the author of that quote would agree that actually our only hope is God, so that isn’t how I’d rephrase his statement. I believe that our only hope is restoration of community with God...which leads to transformation...which leads to obedience. Obedience is important but it comes as a result of being transformed. 

Let’s seek that transformation together. As Fitch said, “In the process, every part of our lives...are reoriented into a way of life.”